


Catalyst

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Not Reylo, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sad Kylo Ren, episode IX speculation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:06:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe Dameron may be an unexpected catalyst for Kylo Ren’s redemption.





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I liked writing this chapter. I don’t ship FinnPoe necessarily (I’m a Darkpilot and FinnRey person), but I love their dynamic and I can see where people ship them. (That and I feel bad for the FinnPoe crowd for how the antis treat them, and they produce genuinely amazing fanworks)

Poe didn’t have enough time initially to process what had happened to him. Now in his own private room on the Millennium Falcon, he had plenty of time to process, and he felt like a whole brick wall was collapsing on him. 

So many of the Resistance dead. And Ben, the boy that he had started developing feelings for...he had done all this. Tortured him, hurt and killed so many people. Poe couldn’t wrap his head around it. Ben had had his problems back then, but Poe had never imagined...

He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. The last time that he had seen Ben, Ben told him that he had to leave, that he was in danger, though he had said Poe couldn’t come with him.  _“I want you safe.”_ That’s what Ben had said to him, except how could “safe” mean anything like this? Had Ben known this would happen, any of it?

”Hey.”

Finn’s voice. Poe stirred, looked up at him. “Hey.” He propped himself up on one elbow. “Hell of a day, huh?”

”Yeah. Rose...I didn’t want to leave her, but I was also worried about you.”

“How is she?” Poe said. 

Finn sighed. “Still not good. I mean, she’s not dead, and the medics say she’ll be fine, but...”

”Well, that’s good news, isn’t it?” Poe said. “That she’ll be fine.”

Silence. 

“Yeah.”

”Finn...there’s something I need to tell you.”

”I was wondering how you recognized Ren,” Finn said. “I mean, I did, because Rey and I faced him on the Starkiller planet. But you...”

”Yeah, I knew him. I knew Ben. And I lost him.” Poe took a deep breath; he could already feel the old pain resurfacing. “The night the Temple burned down...well, he told me he had to go and find someone. Someone who could complete his training. He left me behind because...” Poe laughed bitterly. “He wanted to keep me safe. Can you believe that? His idea of safe was that...”

”Poe.” Finn’s face softened. “I’m sorry.”

”Not your fault. Nothing you had anything to do with.”

”Still,” Finn said, “I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do...”

”It’s fine. You’re a good friend and a good man, Finn. Really, truly.”

”I’m just doing what I can,” Finn said. 

They remained there, two friends on the same side, taking comfort in the other’s presence. The truth about Finn was that in a way, the former stormtrooper had made Poe better. After Ben’s departure, he had been mostly a mess, a mess carefully covered up but a mess nonetheless. But Finn had helped him. Finn deserved so much happiness, more than he knew.

“You should get some sleep,” Poe said. “Really.”

”Yeah. If you have a problem...”

”I know. Night, Finn.”

Finn smiled. “Good night.”

Finn walked over to his quarters, and Poe was lost in his thoughts of Ben, the boy he loved and hated in equal measure. 


	2. Thrown Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren reflects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: This isn’t Reylo. I think the two have a bizarre kinship, but definitely nothing romantic.

It was long after Crait that Kylo Ren realized that he had effectively lost everything. The disappearance of the dice and the scavenger closing the door in his face really were just the final touches to an already exhausting day. 

Hux was about to never let him hear the end of it, only for Ren to throw him to the ground. It was one of the few sources of satisfaction in a day like this. Being Supreme Leader should have brought him some measure of satisfaction. Some measure of confidence, actually. Instead, it left him more lost than ever. 

Then again, feeling lost wasn’t exactly foreign to Kylo Ren. 

It was in his quarters on the Supremacy that he took time to reflect on what exactly happened. There had been something peculiar about the scavenger closing the door on their bond — he hadn’t loved her, not like he did Poe, but he had felt a strange kinship with her,  a kinship that was too complex fundamentally to be classified as romance. 

 _You only have yourself to blame, Ben._ It was strange how even though the bond was effectively closed, he could still feel her presence. Could still imagine her voice like she was in the same room with him.  _You could have come with me._

_You think I killed Snoke for you? I did it because that...creature abused me for years. He was just a mirror image of Skywalker; no wonder the two got on so well._

Silence.  _You think where you are now is any better?_

_I was nothing as Ben Solo. Here...I can be someone._

He could be someone. Bringing a new order to the galaxy as he was meant to. Becoming better than Ben Solo, all but transcending him...he could do that, all of that. 

And he could avenge his losses. He had enough anger to draw upon for a lifetime. His parents’ fear of him, the fact that he was unwanted, his uncle’s cruelty, the loss of the scavenger, the loss of Poe...

The last one hit like a kick to the chest by a Gamorrean. He had lost Poe. Left him behind because he’d wanted to keep him safe. And even that hadn’t worked. Poe had gotten involved in the fight because of his irrepressible desire to do the right thing...

_Why did you hurt him, Ben?_

_It wasn’t anything that gave me pleasure._

_It was because of the map. You let your hate for your uncle hurt someone you loved, didn’t you?_

_Don’t. Just...don’t._ She wasn’t about to put a dent in his anger. She simply wasn’t. Not when it was the last thing he could hold onto. 

_You can stop this here, Ben._

She vanished from his mind in that moment, and Kylo was left with thoughts of Poe that tempered his anger enough to give him a clenching feeling in his chest. Was Rey really there? Was it just a figment of his imagination? Probably the latter. 

It didn’t matter. Not really. And yet Kylo Ren couldn’t help but think of everything he’d lost, and everything he’d carelessly thrown away. 


End file.
